DEER IN HEADLIGHTS!!!

OK, so we have all heard this term used before, or the like phrase probably more appropriate in this case "it was like witnessing a train wreck i just couldn't look away". Yes well I had the opportunity of experiencing this situation and thought I would share it with all of you.
I had the opportunity of gaining some unwanted knowledge this morning as I entered a women's restroom. I opened the door with my daughter in my arms with the intention of changing her rank nasty diaper when i was abruptly stopped in my tracks at the sight of an overweight man in front of the mirror pulling up and adjusting and buttoning his pants. I'm not sure why I didn't immediately look away except of course for the phrases I have previously mentioned above. The knowledge I gained was that of apparently all men doing this in the same exact fashion.It's almost like a little dance. Now, of course i have only witnessed one other man go through this process so maybe it's just the two of them but I'm willing to bet it's more.

This man began by rocking back onto his heels and pulling his pants out, up and over his large rear end. He then (this is the disturbing part) Rocked forward onto his toes once to adjust his "hem hem". Rocked forward to his toes a second time while with his left hand holding his pants out tucked the left side of his button down shirt in, and the third time for the right side of his shirt. He then sucked in and rocked back and forth again to button his pants followed by one last rock to the toes while exhaling for the pulling up of the zipper with a little jump step at the end. Fix the belt, give both legs a little shake and wah la. (all of this is really funny if you imagine the whole thing with a little bit of circus music playing in your head.)

At this point as he looked out of the corner of his eyes the reality of the situation hit me and i quickly shut the door and took a few steps back. I then immediately turned around and did what any other self respecting individual would have done. I announced to all those around me that there was a man in the women's bathroom standing in front of the mirror with his pants open adjusting himself.

Now while learning this unwanted information of the process a man goes through to pull up his pants two questions came to mind.

1. Why on earth was this man standing in front of the
mirror where anyone in the bathroom can see him
doing this?

2. How do you not notice your in the women's bathroom?








Now thinking about the first question i reflected on my many years of visiting public restrooms. I swear that I have never once witnessed a women standing in front of the "open to the public" mirror with her pants undone to tuck in her shirt. All women do the same exact thing, we tuck in our shirts in the privacy of our own stall. The mirror is used for any adjusting that may need to be done. A little tug here a yank there a flip of the hair, (maybe a little make-up touch up depending on the girlyness of your nature) and we are out of there. Any dressing needs taking place in the women's restroom is done where it should be, in privacy. Naturally I went to the one source I could for information. I had the thought that maybe this man was a perve who was in there on purpose with his pants down to somehow get a women's attention. Nathan told me that all men do this in front of the mirror. I know women, we are all shocked right now. The behaviors in the opposing restrooms is definitely proof that men and women are very different. I personally would never undo my pants in front of the mirror to adjust a wedgie or any other needs i may be having. I would enter a stall as I am sure all of you other girls would do as well.

Anyway, getting to my other question; If you somehow miss the dress on the little stick figure girl on the front plaque for sure a man would notice the lack of urinals around. Again inquiring of my husband that indeed almost all of the public restrooms he had ever been in were definitely occupied with urinals and if not he would take a second look at the sign on the bathroom door. Now I am willing to admit that one time I have made the dumb mistake of not paying attention to the stick figure due to preoccupation with children, but the urinals tipped me off before the door ever closed behind me that I was in the wrong one. This made me think that maybe something should be done about this. I thought maybe we should put big circles in the chest area of the dress with an arrow and a huge sign saying if you don't have these don't come in. I thought better of it though due to the fact that there are many women out there like me who would then be forced to make it home to use the restroom. I'm not sure what the solution is, I just know that we need one.

As I stood outside the restroom waiting for it to be usable the man exited and looked at the sign on the door. He booms to those surrounding us that he had just made a big mistake. He looks at me and asks, "was that you?" "yeah" I replied. He shook his head stated how embarrassed he was, then walked out the door hysterically laughing at himself. The last bit of knowledge i took from this man is that a good sense of humor can make a devastatingly embarrassing situation as minuscule as dropping your sunglasses.